


Kaidan Alenko - Cuddling Fan

by ScorpioInk



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, F/M, Pining, Platonic Cuddling, Temporarily Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-15
Updated: 2020-03-15
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:00:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23150587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScorpioInk/pseuds/ScorpioInk
Summary: The five times Kaidan walked in on Shepard cuddling with someone from the crew, and the one time Kaidan was cuddled.
Relationships: Kaidan Alenko/Female Shepard
Comments: 1
Kudos: 42





	Kaidan Alenko - Cuddling Fan

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by an on-going conversation with my best friend about normalizing platonic intimacy. 
> 
> Not proof read, just written for fun. All mistakes are mine. 
> 
> Only rated M for some hinting at sexy times, no actual sexy times contained within.

***1***

The first time Kaidan had walked in on Shepard cuddling with someone was on the SR1, shortly after they had lost Ashley.

Kaidan had been looking for Shepard, he had wanted to ask her _why_. Why him, why not Ashley, how had she decided?

Kaidan walked to Shepard’s quarters and knocked on the door, “Shepard?”

“Come in,” Shepard called from behind the door.

Kaidan stepped into the room confidently, headed toward Shepard’s bed, “Shepard, hey, I was jus-“

“Yeah?” Shepard looked up at him from her bed, where she was cuddling with Liara. Shepard laying on her back in the middle of the bed, Liara’s head on her chest with Shepard’s arm wrapped around her shoulder, their legs tangled together. Kaidan wasn't sure, but he thought that Liara might be asleep, her eyes closed and face relaxed. They were both dressed, but Kaidan was mortified at walking into a private moment between them.

And slightly heartbroken that Shepard had clearly picked Liara instead of him, but he filed that away to deal with later.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to intrude,” Kaidan felt his cheeks flush.

“You’re not,” Shepard arched an eyebrow at him, “what did you need?”

“It’s not important, I’ll talk to you later.”

“Kaidan, you came up here for something, what did you want?”

Kaidan started to back to the door, “we’ll talk in the morning.”

“If you’re sure.”

“Positive.”

“Alright, good night Kaidan.”

“Commander.”

***

Kaidan had agonized over the thought of Liara in Shepard’s arms for days before he had approached her in the kitchen about a week later.

“So,” Kaidan had tried for casual, “you and Liara…”

“What about me and Liara?” Shepard asked as she poured her coffee.

“You’re together?”

“No,” Shepard looked confused, “what gave you that idea?”

“You guys were in bed?”

“Yeah,” Shepard said slowly, “we were _dressed_.”

“You were cuddling.”

“Yeah,” Shepard said again, now looking at Kaidan like he had two heads, “and?”

“You cuddle with people you’re not dating?”

“I cuddle with my friends when they’re upset, or want comfort,” Shepard seemed to understand Kaidan’s confusion, “don’t you?”

“No,” Kaidan shook his head, “you may have noticed that I’m not a very physical guy in general. I’ve definitely never cuddled my friends.”

“I have noticed that,” Shepard nodded, “you should try it sometime, Kaidan, it’s nice.”

“I’ll take that under advisement. So…you’re still…available?”

“Yes, I’m still available,” Shepard smiled, and Kaidan felt his cheeks warm.

***2***

It had been Tali next, and Kaidan had stumbled upon them by accident as he tried to walk off one of his migraines, headed to the starboard observation where he knew it would be quiet.

He had expected it to be dark, it usually was, but he hadn’t expected to find Shepard laying across the couch with her head in Tali’s lap. The Quarian combing Shepard’s hair with her fingers.

“Kaidan,” Shepard greeted, looking up at him, “okay?”

“Migraine,” Kaidan pointed to the side of his head.

“Want us to move?”

“No, I won’t want to stop your…” Kaidan waved at them.

“Girl time?” Tali provided, “we’ll move to the crew quarters.”

Shepard and Tali stood, walking to the door.

“Can I get you anything?” Shepard asked quietly, holding the door open.

“No, I’ll be okay.”

“If you need me, come and find me.”

“Will do,” Kaidan considered for a minute that it might make his headache better to have someone run their hands through his hair like Tali had been doing for Shepard, disregarding the thought as quickly as it came.

“Alright,” Shepard gave a nod, walking from the room and closing the door behind her.

Kaidan stretched out on the couch, closing his eyes. He could smell Shepard’s shampoo from where her hair had been on the cushion.

He didn’t want to admit how comforting it was.

***

“Can I ask you something?”

“Of course,” Shepard didn’t look up from where she was cleaning her handgun, but Kaidan knew she was focused on him.

“What’s the deal with the cuddling?”

“What about it, specifically?”

“Why do you do it?”

Shepard got a new cleaning pad, glancing up quickly, “it’s comforting, for one, and I like being touched.”

“You don’t find it intimate?”

“Of course it’s intimate, but what’s wrong with that?”

Kaidan didn’t have an answer to that, so he changed his approach, “but isn’t cuddling something that you do with a spouse?”

“Sometimes,” Shepard agreed, “but I don’t have one of those, and I still like being touched. You shouldn’t knock it until you try it.”

“I don’t think it’s for me,” Kaidan shook his head.

“Well, if you ever want to give it a try, let me know.”

“Will do.”

***

Kaidan had never gotten the chance, Shepard dying a few weeks later. Both Kaidan’s romantic feelings and platonic curiosity gone unexplored due to his cowardice.

Kaidan didn’t know if cuddling with friends was something he would have enjoyed.

He was positive that the world was a darker place without Shepard in it.

***3***

“Hey Major,” Shepard had greeted as he walked into the observation lounge, “how are you finding the new Normandy?”

“I like it,” Kaidan sat on the far side of the couch, as far from Shepard as he could manage. A visible sign of the distance still between them since Horizon.

“Crew being nice?” if Shepard was bothered by Kaidan’s choice of seat, she didn’t show it.

“As nice as I deserve,” Kaidan commented, glancing up as the door opened and James walked in.

“Hey Lola, Major,” James greeted, “am I interrupting?”

“No, you’re fine,” Shepard assured, “what can I do for you?”

“I’m working on this N7 quiz, I was wondering if you could help?”

“Sure, take a seat,” Shepard offered, “the Major might have some insight for you too.”

James sat right next to Shepard, passing her the datapad, “what would you do for question seven? I can’t find any way of saving them both.”

Shepard read over the question, a frown forming across her face.

“What is it?”

“See for yourself,” Shepard passed Kaidan the datapad, “it might seem familiar.”

Kaidan read over the question, suddenly understanding Shepard’s unease.

The N7 academy had written Virmire almost exactly as it had happened. The question – who to save.?

“Why are you both frowning?” James looked between them.

“This happened,” Shepard took the datapad from Kaidan and passed it back to James, “on Virmire. I was forced to choose between Kaidan and Ashley Williams. If there is a solution to how to save both of them, I never saw it.”

“Oh shit.”

Shepard sighed, “I still can’t figure any way that I could have saved both of them. I think about it daily. “

“How did you pick?”

Kaidan wanted to know, too. Desperately glad that James had asked the question that had plagued him for years.

“There are a few things you can consider,” Shepard started, “what is your crew dynamic, if you have multiple biotics but only one gunnery master, you’re going to need the gunnery master. Let’s be real though, James, when you’re in the middle of a crisis like that you’re not always going to be thinking of logistics.”

“What do you mean?”

“Close your eyes for a minute,” Shepard turned to face James, “I’m going to give you a scenario to picture.”

“Okay,” James did as instructed, and Kaidan watched as Shepard took James' hands.

“There is a timer ticking and you have 90 seconds in which you have to pick someone living, and someone dying. There is no other option. So far as you can see there are no ways of saving both of them. Both soldiers are talented, very talented in fact. You can rely on both of them to have your back, and they both work well with the crew. You’ve been together on the ship for months, and you’re friends with both.”

James nodded, and Kaidan found himself just as engaged in Shepard’s story as James was.

“Now you have 60 seconds to save one of them, and you need to decide right now. There are no chances for second guesses or they’ll both die. I’m going to say two names, and you have to pick one by the count of three, ready?”

“Ready.”

“Joker or Steve,” Shepard squeezed James’ hands, “three…two…one…who do you pick?”

“Steve,” James answered, opening his eyes to look at Shepard, “I would pick Steve.”

“Why?”

James blushed, “it’s stupid.”

“No, it’s not,” Shepard assured, “tell me.”

“I’m closer with Steve,” James shrugged, “he means more to me.”

“There’s your answer,” Shepard gave James a small smile and Kaidan felt his breath catch, “sometimes, it simply comes down to personal dynamics. Ashley was a remarkable soldier, an amazing poet, and a very good friend. She was more committed to the Alliance than anyone else I’ve ever known. You have worked with Kaidan for a few weeks now, so you know that he’s an incredible biotic, intelligent, friendly, funny, and in the end…”

“He meant more?”

“He meant more,” Shepard nodded.

“I’m sorry, Lola, I didn’t mean to open old wounds.”

“I would be a pretty shitty mentor if I didn’t help when you came to me with things like this,” Shepard let James’ hands go and glanced at Kaidan who found himself speechless.

“Need a hug?” James offered.

“Big time,” Shepard folded herself against James’ chest, letting him hold her.

Kaidan thought that maybe, just maybe, he could use a hug too.

***4***

It wasn’t often that Shepard came down to the cargo bay and made her way straight to Steve, but both James and Kaidan looked up as Shepard came out of the elevator at a jog and made her way quickly to Steve’s station.

“What’s that about?” Kaidan asked James as Shepard walked out of view.

“No idea, but Esteban has been off all day,” James wiped his hands on a nearby rag, “I tried to talk to him about it, but he blew me off.”

“Weird,” Kaidan looked back at his shotgun, startling as he heard someone sob.

“Esteban,” James frowned and started to walk toward the Kodiak, Kaidan in tow.

They found Steve and Shepard together sitting on the back of the shuttle, Shepard holding Steve in a tight embrace as he cried.

“I miss him so much.”

“I know,” Shepard soothed, running her hand over Steve’s back, “it’s okay.”

“I’m sorry, I know you’re busy.”

“Don’t apologize,” Shepard reassured him, “you don’t need to apologize for missing your husband on his birthday. I understand.”

James sighed as he remembered the date, drawing Shepard’s eyes over to James and Kaidan, holding her finger to her lips to keep them quiet.

“I don’t know how I’m supposed to live in a world that doesn’t have Robert in it,” Steve said, almost too quiet to hear from where his face was against Shepard’s neck.

Kaidan knew exactly what Steve meant.

“We’ll find a way,” Shepard promised, “there is always something good to live for, sometimes you just need to look a little harder for it.”

“Like you?”

“Like me,” Shepard smiled, “and James,” Shepard waved for James to walk over.

James seemed to have no hesitancy on walking over them, despite the emotions running high, wrapping his large arms around both figures in a tight hug.

“You’re crushing me,” Steve gave a small complaint but smiled despite the tears running down his face.

“You like the muscles, Esteban, don’t lie.”

Shepard arched her eyebrow at Kaidan, and he knew immediately it was an invitation.

Kaidan shook his head and took a step back, Shepard giving a small nod, a silent communication understood.

“Maybe we can convince the Major to cook some of his famous chili,” Shepard suggested to Steve, “would that cheer you up?”

Steve nodded.

“I’ll go get it started,” Kaidan said quietly, turning for the elevator.

As he stepped inside, he turned back to Steve’s station, finding the three still holding one another.

Kaidan felt his heart ache for something that he didn’t understand as the doors closed, leaving him alone in the elevator, suddenly lonelier than he had ever been.

***5***

Kaidan was looking for Shepard and had been for a few hours, when he decided to try the main battery.

“Hello?” Kaidan called out as he walked into what appeared to be an empty and dark room.

“Shh!” Garrus’ hiss came from somewhere behind the thanix, and Kaidan peaked his head around the large gun.

Shepard was there.

Asleep.

In Garrus’ cot.

Kaidan quietly walked the length of the room, stopping in front of the small bed and taking in the strange scene.

Garrus was sitting up, datapad in one hand, his other tangled in Shepard’s hair as he ran his talons over Shepard’s scalp as she snored softly with her head resting in Garrus’ lap.

“Is she okay?” Kaidan whispered.

“She’s not sleeping,” Garrus answered, equally quietly, “she needs someone with her sometimes, or she has bad dreams.”

 _“_ Oh,” Kaidan noticed the dark circles under Shepard’s eyes, “I’ll leave you too it then.”

Garrus nodded, turning his attention back to his datapad, “Kaidan?”

“Yeah?”

“You should tell her.”

“I know.”

***+1***

Kaidan tossed in his bunk for what felt like the hundredth time.

“Can’t sleep?” Tali whispered from the bunk next to him.

“No,” Kaidan sighed, “sorry, am I keeping you up?”

“No, I’m waiting for Garrus,” Tali rolled on her side to look at Kaidan, “why don’t you go lay with Shepard? Lots of people do it when they can’t sleep.”

“I’m not really into cuddling.”

“Have you ever tried it?”

“Not with someone I’m not dating,” Kaidan kept his eyes on the bunk above him.

“Maybe you should, it works wonders for Shepard.”

“Maybe.”

The door opened and Garrus could be heard as he walked over to Tali’s bunk. Kaidan watched from the corner of his eye as Garrus slipped into the bed next to Tali, wrapping her in his arms.

Kaidan sighed, closing his eyes again, trying to will himself to sleep.

“I love you,” Garrus’ low voice rumbled.

“I love you, too,” Tali responded, sounding tired but content.

Fuck it.

Kaidan stood, and as quietly as he could manage pulled on a pair of sweatpants and t-shirt, walking from the room and headed toward the elevator.

“EDI, is the Commander awake?”

“She is,” EDI confirmed as the elevator arrived, “would you like me to let her know you’re on your way?”

“Yes please.”

Kaidan had no idea what he was going to say to Shepard once he got to her room, pressing the button for Shepard’s floor.

_Hey, Shepard, I can’t sleep, can we cuddle?_

No.

_You know how I keep walking in on you snuggling with the entire crew? Can I have a turn?_

Really no.

Kaidan sighed, waiting for the doors to open as the elevator arrived on Shepard’s floor.

Shepard was waiting for him, leaning against the doorframe dressed in a t-shirt and shorts, her hair down from its regulation bun.

“Okay, Major?”

Kaidan didn’t know what to say.

“Kaidan?” Shepard walked over to him, not touching, but still standing close enough he could smell her shampoo, “what’s wrong?”

“I can’t sleep,” Kaidan answered lamely.

Shepard looked at him for a moment, before reaching out and taking his hand in hers.

Such a simple gesture had no business feeling that nice.

“Come on,” Shepard pulled Kaidan into her quarters, locking the door behind them.

Once inside, Shepard dropped his hand. Kaidan found himself missing the warmth.

“Did you want me to make you some tea?” Shepard offered.

“No, thanks.”

“Want to watch a movie?”

Kaidan shook his head.

“Did you…” Shepard hesitated, “want to get into bed?”

Kaidan nodded, blushing.

“Okay,” Shepard walked down the steps, Kaidan following behind her, “you might want to ditch the shirt, it gets hot in here. You don’t have too if you would prefer, but you’re going to end up sweating.”

Kaidan felt his blush deepen as he pulled his shirt over his head, tossing it to the couch as Shepard pulled back the blankets and got into bed.

“Do I just…”

“Come on in,” Shepard pat the bed beside her, “I won’t bite.”

Kaidan sat next to Shepard in the bed, feeling his body tight with tension.

“Lay down,” Shepard said softly, “relax.”

“I never do this,” Kaidan shifted further down in the bed, laying back against the pillows.

“Well, I can promise it doesn’t hurt,” Shepard joked, “did you have a preference? Did you want to cuddle me, or me cuddle you?”

“I have no idea.”

“Let’s try it this way.”

Suddenly, Shepard was moving his arm and tucking herself against his side, resting her head on his chest, wrapping his arm around her shoulders, tangling their legs together and pulling the blanket over them.

Kaidan held his breath for a minute as he felt Shepard’s arm wrap over his waist.

“Breathe, Kaidan.”

“Sorry,” Kaidan took a deep breath, “I don’t know what I’m doing here.”

“You’re being cuddled,” Shepard gave him a slight squeeze, “close your eyes, just enjoy it.”

Kaidan did as he was told, closing his eyes and taking another breath. The smell of Shepard’s shampoo was all around him, soothing and slightly floral. He was warm, but not unpleasantly so. Shepard’s thumb was rubbing soft circles into his side.

It was _perfection._

Kaidan lost all sense of time as he laid there, only opening his eyes when he felt Shepard’s thumb stop moving, looking down to find Shepard had fallen asleep. Kaidan couldn’t stop the smile from crossing his face as he took in her relaxed expression, feeling the weight of sleep starting to settle over him, closing his eyes, and following Shepard into sleep moments later.

***

Someone was playing with his hair, and Kaidan fought a sense of confusion as he started to wake up, gradually remembering the night before.

He opened his eyes to find their positions had reversed, his head resting against’ Shepard’s breast as she ran her fingers through his hair.

“Uh,” Kaidan started, awkwardly, “good morning.”

“Good morning,” Shepard’s voice was still low from sleep, “how did you sleep?”

“Very well,” Kaidan answered, and it was true, “you?”

“Great.”

“Good,” Kaidan didn’t want to move, but wasn’t sure about the etiquette when cuddling with friends, “so…”

“So?”

“What now?”

“You can stay,” Shepard didn’t open her eyes, “or go, it’s up to you. What do you want to do?”

Kaidan decided to go for honesty, “I want to kiss you.”

Shepard opened one eye at that, looking down at Kaidan, “you want to kiss me?”

“I do.”

“Why?”

“Because,” Kaidan gathered his courage, “I’ve been in love with you since the SR1.”

“Well, then you better get up here and kiss me,” Shepard encouraged, “because I love you, too.”

Kaidan didn’t need to be told twice, moving up the bed and kissing Shepard softly, trying to convey every ounce of longing into it.

When Shepard pulled back her eyes were sparkling with amusement, “you know, Major, I would say that you’re a fan of platonic cuddling.”

“I think I am,” Kaidan agreed, tracing Shepard’s bottom lip with his thumb, “but I think I like cuddling with my girlfriend better.”

“Couple cuddling,” Shepard gave a nod, “very good if I do say so myself. I have some tricks for that.”

“Yeah?”

“Yep,” Shepard pushed Kaidan against the mattress, straddling him with a grin, “but first I need to get you out of these pants.”

Kaidan laughed as Shepard kissed him again, fingers tangled in his hair. Kaidan wasn’t certain of many things in his life, but at this moment he was positive of one thing.

Major Kaidan Alenko, second human Spectre, was a _big_ fan of cuddling.


End file.
